Rituals for a Traumaversary
Traumaversaries are the anniversaries of something traumatic that we have experienced. This might be something that happened to you individually or it might be something that happened within your family or your community, it may even be an international experience.
But what would a traumaversay look like in your life?
Have you ever realized you’re in a horrible-no-good-very-bad mood for “no reason” and then you see a news article that reminds you that this was the exact date that the first COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns were instated?
Or you’re anxious for the entire last week of the month because you know once the calendar switches it’s now the month that were assaulted?
Maybe you’ve noticed you start to withdrawal when the date is close to the passing or transitioning of a loved one?
Traumaversaries are not limited to the exact day something happened, it can start to impact you days or weeks around the specific date of the traumatic experience.
It also might be something you feel month to month rather than once a year - it depends on so many factors for when your body and brain recognize the date.
There is no criteria or level of trauma required for your body and emotions to react to a traumaversary - some people will experience it from a car accident, a health diagnosis, a death, a mass shooting event, a global event, an experience of physical violence, and so on.
Due to the range of experiences that can create a traumaversary, the rituals below may or may not fit your direct experience so take what may work and hopefully the ones that don’t fit might inspire your own ideas!
Ritual one: engage your body in movement or relaxation in some way, whether that is a self-compassion yoga session, a sound bath experience, a massage, or a walk where you spend time reflecting on who you are and what has changed since this date. Something that engages your body and felt sense on this day (and/or the days surrounding it).
Ritual two: request the day off of work and plan a day full of all your favorite things - go to your favorite cafe or bakery, sit in the park outside, visit a bookstore or library, volunteer at an animal shelter for fuzzy friend cuddles, plan a dinner date with a trusted friend who will listen to your preference to talk or not talk about the day, go for a swim, bake yourself a sweet treat - I mean the options are really endless.
Ritual three: write yourself a letter. This could take many different forms - you could write to yourself on the day it happened, you could write to future you to open in a year, you could write a stream of conscious letter that you tear up or (safely) burn, you could write to yourself last year at the ritual, you can write whatever is on your mind and keep it in a box for you to go through the letters every year. Whatever feels right to you.
Ritual four: book a therapy session! It can be a relief for some folks to have a contained space for you to bring whatever physical experience and thoughts and memories that are coming up on that day.
People are sometimes surprised to notice how much their body was remembering without them taking conscious notice of the date and creating a ritual can help you prepare to care for your body intentionally in ways you may not have realized it was craving before.
It is helpful for some people to keep up the exact same ritual every year, but other people find it helpful to change their ritual as they relate to their trauma differently over time.
A check-in with yourself a few days after your traumaversary ritual can help you examine how helpful, comforting, and caring it was for you this year and if you want to do it again.
The Orchard can help folks in Washington for traumaversary sessions as well as trauma healing work.
Dr. S