Why Affirmations May Not Be Helpful For You If You’ve Experienced Trauma
Affirmations have gone through quite a journey in the court of public opinion.
There are folks who dismiss affirmations as “woo-woo” and there are other folks that share the science behind the impact of self-talk.
But what are affirmations, really, anyway?
And why do they feel especially unhelpful when you’ve experienced trauma?
Affirmations are words or phrases that are typically repeated in an attempt to shift our mindset.
The reason affirmations may feel particularly and specifically unhelpful when you’ve experienced trauma though is they are only focused on your thoughts.
Which is the top of the flagpole when it comes to healing trauma.
Meaning there are lower layers and levels that have to be addressed first in order for thought and narrative changes to take place.
The lower layers and levels are related to safety (physical and emotional) as well as trust (of self and of the world) which can be done in therapy.
It’s hard, nearly impossible I might say, to think ‘positively’ about yourself and the world before doing the work at the lower levels.
How does say and mean “I am strong and capable” in the face of degrading messages from teachers or a boss?
How could “I am in the right place at the right time” be comforting at all after surviving domestic violence?
How does repeating “I am loved” when you feel abandoned by a parent help anything?
These few examples highlight how the incongruence of someone’s lived experience, or current environment, might come up against affirmations and therefore why you may feel like affirmations are not helpful. This is why you may find yourself not believing what you repeat to yourself as affirmations, why you feel like you’re lying or why it feels silly.
The positive affirmations that have taken social media by storm may not be the place to start as someone who has experienced trauma.
These three ‘neutral’ affirmations may be a good place to start instead if you want to get into the practice of being intentional with your self-talk but don’t find all the affirmations floating around on the internet to be helpful:
I have thoughts and feelings, that makes me human!
Today is a day worth experiencing simply because I am alive.
I am breathing which makes me deserving of love just like every other living person and thing.
It is important to honor what feels true to you as you start your healing journey from trauma, and this includes the way we speak to ourselves in an effort to feel better.
Affirmations may be a tool you use to shift your self-talk later in your healing journey, but it’s okay to not find them helpful yet. There’s other steps to healing first at the lower levels and layers.
The Orchard can see folks who have experienced trauma and want to work on the lower layers and levels of the flagpole of safety and trust in the state of Washington in virtual sessions.
Dr. S